Today I was eating lunch at Panera with a friend, and we were sitting down at a table in the middle of the place. From the moment we sat down until about 20 minutes later there was this girl, probably twelve years old, with a hideous half jean, half camo skirt, running back and forth, getting refills for what most likely seemed like a 20 person family, fetching napkins, doing all these stupid things that involved repeatedly walking into my line of sight and behind my chair.

So being the jerk I am, I started saying stuff like, "If that girl doesn't sit the fuck down I'm going to knock her over." (something to that extent)

Once we left, my friend said to me, "You know that girl you were checking out sitting behind us?" So I say, "The one in the black shirt?" (Because there was indeed some girl in a black shirt who I was 'checking out' when she walked by, though I didn't know she was sitting behind us [behind me].)

"Yeah, her," she says.

"What about her?"

"When you were talking about knocking over that little girl, she overheard us and was laughing too."

So that's one of my goals in life, to be able to please strangers when they overhear my conversations about being insensitive and knocking down little kids. Well, and also I thought I was being pretty discreet while looking at that girl. Oh well, I'm a guy and I can't help it.