Even though my morning turned out shitty because my teacher is the biggest idiot ever, it's still nice to see a little common courtesy that goes unnoticed a lot in today's society.

On my way home there's this road where it's a downward slope (going to, upwards if going from) with two potential places for cops to sit and easily ticket people for speeding. One's a road to some housing complex with a wall on the side, blocking my view, and the other is, well, around another wall, by a school. Sometimes I see upwards of 5 cop cars on that road.

Driving down this road today a black car driving the opposite way of me flashed me some highbeam action. I slowed from going about 50 to somewhere around 25 (the speed limit) and saw a cop with a radar standing in one of the previously mentioned spots.

So, big shout out to people who look out for others in situations like these. It doesn't matter who it is - no one likes a speeding ticket.

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My English Lit. class is such a joke - and not in a good way.

Today we had this quiz... Throughout the last week (which is what the quiz was on) she emphasized lots of stuff. I can tell you who (William the Conqueror) and when (Oct. 15, 1066 during the Battle of Hastings) the French took over the throne of England, and why (because Edward the Confessor [who also began the construction of Westminster Abbey] promised him the throne but, didn't deliver), and William also brought over the system of Feudalism, which pretty much meant everything besides the churches belonged to the king. I can name the first 5 kings in that bloodline (Will I, Will II, Henry I, Stephen, Henry II [who also had 4 brothers, Richard (the Lionheart), Geoffrey, Henry III, John]). I know John Wyclif was the first person to translate the Bible into Middle English, Caxton brought the printing press to England from Germany, and the most popular things in print were the Bible, Mort d'Arthur, and the Canterbury Tales. I know Thomas Beckett was murdered in 1170 in the Canterbury Cathedral and that's why the 32 (30 characters, Chaucer [who was born around 1340, no one knows for sure, and died in 1400], and the host [who served as a judge, referee, and guide]) travelers in the Canterbury Tales are on their journey (well, for various other personal reasons, but that's the general consensus).

Also I know lots of other various shit that was mentioned and emphasized throughout the lecture by the teacher and I was positive would be on this objective test. Nope, she asks us stuff like, 'name 3 authors other than Chaucer who represented Medieval literature.' I knew two, because we read one of them and I know Thomas Malorey did Mort d'Arthur, so that was two. But she never, ever, mentioned another one. And if she did (which she didn't), it was so brief and nowhere near as relevant as any of the pieces of information I listed above.

Fuck knowing historical context of pieces of literature, we need to know tiny details never mentioned in class, and somehow find them on our own.

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Top 10 comedies according to Jon. If you do not agree, you fail. This list is inspired because Bravo made a 100 comedies list and it was the worst list ever. EVER. I'm not even going to link to it because it was so terrible.

10. Clerks

This 'cult' movie has so many good one-liners, and I can't get enough of them. With a sequel on the way (which I doubt will live up to the original, but I'll definitely be there opening day), this movie has gained significant popularity since it's release. Though Kevin Smith has made numerous movies since, I still think this is my favorite of his bunch.

Memorable quote: Randal Graves: People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."

9. Blazing Saddles

Mel Brooks is a comedic genius. A perfect blend of racial stereotyping and slapstick humor put this in my top 10. Gene Wilder is always laugh-inspiring. This is my favorite 'Western' movie, as well.

Memorable quote: Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.

8. Ghostbusters

Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Harold Ramis. Sure, Sigourney Weaver sucks, but this movie is too funny to pass up. If you haven't seen this movie and/or don't acknowledge how funny it is, don't talk to me. That is all.

Memorable quote: Dr Ray Stantz: Listen! Do you smell something?

7. Dr. Strangelove

Kubrick directing. Sellers in 3 different roles. George C. Scott. Dark humor. Sure it's a little monotonous at some points, but that's why it's funny. Just don't watch it if you're sleepy.

Memorable quote: President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

6. Clue

Lots of subtle humor, and Tim Curry is hilarious. Three different endings, lots of slapstick, and somehow it all makes sense.

Memorable quote: Wadsworth: He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money off of it. What could be more American than that?

5. The Graduate

What an absurd premise. Katharine Ross is so beautiful, and Dustin Hoffman is always solid. Fairly lighthearted and not too 'touchy-feely,' this movie does the 'love story' the best (laughable) way. So good.

Memorable quote: Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.

4. Annie Hall

Though most of Woody Allen's movies are generally the same (he's a neurotic Jewish New Yorker with love problems), this one's easily my favorite. Lots of good one-liners, and the way Woody Allen doesn't 'write down for his audience' is something I admire. Plus Diane Keaton is great in the ditsy title role.

Memorable quote: Alvy Singer: My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

3. The Producers

Another Mel Brooks film, and I think this one's better than Blazing Saddles. I think 'Saddles' has more one-liners, but the plot for The Producers is brilliant. Plus, again, Gene Wilder. I love this movie.

Memorable quote: Max Bialystock: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?

2. Some Like It Hot

Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis. Billy Wilder. Win, win, win, win, win. Perfect performances across the board, an amazingly funny plot, and great writing make this one of the best ensemble movies ever; however, it falls short of one movie...

Memorable quote: Joe: The ship is in ship-shape shape.

1. A Shot in the Dark

Peter Sellers is quite possibly the funniest actor ever. Inspector Clouseau is one of my favorite characters of all time, and though I like the Pink Panther movies, I think this spin-off (kinda) is far superior. Plus Blake Edwards is great. Seriously, though, the scene where Clouseau's playing billiards in the Ballon mansion is my favorite movie scene of all time, and if that had just been a ~5 minute short, this movie would've still topped my list.

Memorable quote: Dreyfus: What you've said, Clouseau, qualifies you as the greatest prophet since Custer said he was going to surround all those Indians!

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X-Men 3 rating: 7/10

It was watchable, but Jesus H. Christ, what a disappointment. So many lame plot points, they should've let me rewrite the script. I'm going to type the next part in black, so highlight it if you haven't seen the movie yet or don't care about major spoilers.

-I don't like Cyclops because he's a whiney "emokid," but he was a main character and him dying the way he did was lame as fuck.

-The dialogue was terrible. Some examples include when Storm says she can fix the clouds (just fucking do it, we don't need you to explain your powers in the 3rd movie), 'Not everyone can heal as fast as you, Logan,' anything said by the Juggernaut, and when Ice Man tells Pyro he should've stayed in school.

-Speaking of which, Ice Man head-butting Pyro was lame as fuck. He shoulda froze him to death or something.

-Too much Jean Grey/Phoenix. Yeah, she's a supreme being. (And really hot.) We get it, but it was so overhyped. Plus her looking like a zombie was kind of a turn off.

-Rogue losing her powers and playing only a tiny role was stupid. They should've cut out all the stupid shit like Porcupine Man and Tattoo'd Emo Goth Girl and had more of the cool shit like her stealing Magneto's powers and using them against him (which kinda happened in the other movie, sort of...).

-What the fuck happened to Nightcrawler?

-Angel got a lot of hype for such little screentime.

-Mystique turning back to a human should've played a more important part in the movie.

-Speaking of which, that was the only part of the movie I felt emotionally attached to. It wasn't Xavier dying (which was kinda odd), or Wolverine's seemingly forced "I love you" to Jean, or Cyclops dying, or Storm's eulogy, but when Mystique took the shot, then Magneto just left her alone. That made me sad. There was too much going on with too little emotion.

-Deux Ex Machina Mutants. Yea... Multiplying mutant? Mutant-finding Mutant? Ok, let's just make a mutant to compensate for lazy writing.

-Fucking terrible cliche ending with Magneto moving the chess piece.

-Wolverine being the 'hero nice guy' was too fast and pretty boring.

-Fake-out with the Sentinels was lame as shit. That training room shoulda been the real movie.

-How the fuck would some newbie mutant with little training (the superfast, mutant locating one) be able to own Storm, who is fucking... awesome? Makes no sense.

Ok, I think that's all of it.

So, in conclusion, major disappointment and a total shift from two great movies beforehand. Easily the weakest of the series.

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Holy shit, do I rule. I'm watching the Sox/Yank game and talking on AIM:

Jon (9:57:42 PM): UGH
Jon (9:57:44 PM): UGH, amy
Jon (9:57:47 PM): UGH i say
Amy (9:57:55 PM): wwwhaat
Jon (9:57:57 PM): red sox need to stop sucking

Then right after I send that, the very next pitch Ramirez hits one out and over into deep left.

But it's still 8-6. Lame.

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Today I saw this Women's Magazine that had on the cover something like The Da Vinci Code Diet! WHAT THE HELL?!

I can somewhat understand the obsession over a popular (note the word 'popular' and not 'good) novel-turned-movie, but come on. Maybe I just don't get it, but I don't know how Leonardo Da Vinci, Dan Brown, or Tom Hanks can help you lose weight. Unless, of course, you keep a strict routine where you're only allowed to eat when there's a good line of dialogue in the movie, because then you'd be sure to starve. Akiva Goldsman needs to write more 'A Beautiful Mind' and less 'Batman & Robin'/'Batman Forever.'

People are going crazy over this movie . . . good thing X-men 3 comes out next week and will dominate everything.

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So the UCF library has a pretty extensive DVD section which I rent from regularly (free DVDs > lots). Thursday I dropped a bunch off in the return, and today I got this email.

Subject: Chinatown DVD

Hello,

This email is to inform you that you returned the movie 'Chinatown'
without the dvd inside of the case. Please return at your earliest
convenience.

Thank you,
_____ _______
Media Services Dept. UCF Library

Yeah, it was still in my DVD player... Oops.

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This summer I decided to take an 8AM class that meets 4 times a week (Mon-Thurs). The class is two hours long, so it's not the fact that it's at 8AM which is the killer (well, that's part of it), but any class that's 2 hours long tends to drag on a bit.

Unfortunately that was the only time the class was and I needed the credit, so I was stuck. However, it's nice to get it over with and be ready for the rest of my day at 10AM. Also, parking is easy and it's not blazing-summer-hot at that time (like in the middle of the day).

However, the best part of all this is not being done early or the sweet parking. It's definitely not a greater understanding of Beowulf. The best part of this is that I'm out in time to go to Burger King and order off their breakfast menu, which I haven't been able to do for years because I was never up before 10:30. God bless cini-minis, french toast sticks, and bacon egg 'n' cheese crossan'wiches.

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Late last night I was going to Waffle House with my friend David. While in the car I found my pair of Aviator Glasses and decided to wear them inside while we ate.

We saw inside at a booth waiting for two other people we were meeting to show up. Our server, some older, disgusting looking lady, came up and tried to start a conversation with us (me) about my glasses.

"Is it too bright in here for you?"

"Yeah," I said, and being the compulsive liar I am, I continued, "my eyes got messed up today."

"Really? Are they bloodshot?"

"Kind of, a little bit, but they're also dilated. I had to go to the doctor."

"Can I see?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's bad." (Obviously I didn't want to take my glasses off since there was nothing wrong with my eyes.)

"Well that's not fair, let me see."

"Well, life's not fair."

At this point David interjected with something along the lines of, "His girlfriend punched him in the face?"

I started laughing (because of that, but also because of the whole situation [David was already hiding his laughter. His valiant attempt to save me will not be forgotten.]), and said I didn't have a black eye from my girlfriend (because it would take more than sunglasses to hide that).

She asked me once more to take off my glasses, to which I said "No," and then she took our drink order.

It irritated me a bit. She kept on badgering me when I clearly didn't want to show her my embarassing eye condition. Suppose I really had messed up my eyes. So inconsiderate.

Normally I tip well since I worked in a restaurant for two years and know how things work, but that annoyed me so much I didn't leave her anything.

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[New rant coming soon]

Random movie reviews, some new to me, some repeat viewings.

Lawrence of Arabia - IMDb

Very long movie about T.E. Lawrence, a British soldier with conflicting interests between his home country and Arabia. A great character piece and 'journey' movie, though a tad too long for my tastes. Definitely takes a commitment to watch, but it's worth it in the end.

Rating: 9/10

Chinatown - IMDb

Roman Polanski, Jack Nicholson... instant win? Possibly. A great detective story, with numerous twists and an amazing script. Between this and 'L.A. Confidential,' I think that's all I need to keep my crime/thriller thirst satisfied. Definitely one of the best.

Rating: 10/10

Sunset Blvd. - IMDb

Billy Wilder is simply spectacular. This movie has it all. Basic plot outline: William Holden is a writer in Hollywood who becomes attached to Glorida Swanson, an over-the-hill actress who still thinks she's it. Twists, turns, corruption, love, loss, and for some reason I got the same feeling as from watching Hitchcock's 'Rebecca,' so this movie is a definite winner.

Rating: 9.5/10

The Family Man - IMDb

Straying away from the 'classics,' I rewatched this 'It's a Wonderful Life 2.0' flick the other night. Not a bad performance by Nic Cage, and with Tea Leoni, Don Cheadle, and Jeremy Piven, an overall decent cast. Nothing spectacular or innovative, but an enjoyable movie if you like seeing 'what if' scenarios. Of course nothing will ever touch Frank Capra's classic, but if you don't have a copy of that, this is not a bad substitute.

Rating: 7.5/10

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Murder on the Orient Express - IMDb

First, and for the record, Sidney Lumet is the shit.

A great 'whodunit,' set in the 1930s when a train is stuck in deep snow en route to... wherever. A man is murdered one night on the train and Hercule Poirot (Albert Finney), who had boarded at the last minute, being the detective he is, is enlisted to solved the crime.

I haven't read much Agatha Christie, but she has said this is the only film adaptation of her work that she was totally satisfied with, and there's good reason for that. Slow-paced but not lethargic, the story is unraveled in a way only Sidney Lumet could tell it.

It's been said everywhere else, so I guess I'll say it here. This is an amazing all-star cast. Albery Finney is perfect for this detective role. Anthony Perkins is always one of my favorites and he is a perfect fit for the timid assistant. Sean Connery, well, it's Sean f-ing Connery. Lauren Bacall, Wendy Hiller, Martin Balsam, John Gielgud, and of course my ever-favorite Ingrid Bergman. With so much talent there was no way this movie could go wrong.

There's more than a dozen suspects, a complex plot, and only the small area of a train to work with. For most people this would spell 'disaster,' but the film is executed perfectly and with a style that I rarely see anymore - though I wish I did.

Rating: 9/10

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In case you're behind on the buzz (like me), here's a news flash: X-men 3 looks like it will be the best movie ever. Watch this trailer.

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For a minute let us disregard the absurd nature of Scientology and images of Tom Cruise jumping up and down on Oprah's couch and focus on the movie Mission: Impossible III.

Where to begin... I loved the first M:I movie, and while I only saw the second movie once a long time ago, I recall it not being too shabby. With that in mind, I can safely say I'm impressed with the third movie in the series and would recommend it to pretty much anybody, whether they have seen the two prequels or not.

I am not an avid watcher of either 'Lost' or 'Alias,' but director J.J. Abrams's work here is pretty damn good. The acting was well played across the board. The writing? Witty dialogue is always appreciated. Overall plot? Somewhat predictable, a few cliches, but certainly enjoyable. My first favorite scene is where Laurence Fishburne first comes into the movie - damn, does he play the pissed-off-boss well.

I don't think I've seen an action movie this good in a while (well, none come to mind, at least), and I was 'into' the movie from start to finish. I don't ever 'sit on the edge of my seat,' but if I did, I assure you I would've been during this movie. If the following blockbusters (PotC2, X-men 3, etc) are anything like this, it will be a great summer.

Rating: 8/10

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Though I haven't finished Lolita yet, I flipped to the back and read Nabokov's notes on the novel (from a year after it was originally published [published 1955, so 1956]).

First, I was slightly annoyed at how he implied his English work was inferior to his Russian work. Why? Because, to put it simply, the vocabulary used in that novel is nothing short of amazing. Especially for a second (actually, I think it may be third or fourth) language. Of course Nabokov always emphasized the importance of form over content. Regardless, I would sell my soul for the ability to write like that, and him passing it off as minor literature left me in a state of awe.

That aside, this point of his was interesting:

It is childish to study a work of fiction in order to gain information about a country or about a social class or about the author.

Funny, because that's what I've been doing for the last year or so in my American/English/World Lit classes. I think his point is that fiction writing should be entirely fictitious, where it takes place in its own world and doesn't rely on the bounds of reality.

Maybe. And I would agree.

In summary: studying fiction as writing is good, but not if you're looking for a history lesson.

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Tonight, watching a re-run of Jay Leno, I realized something about my taste in comedy.

Most of the jokes were not funny nor witty, yet yielded a decent audience response with plenty of laughter.

Then Jay did a semi-racist joke. He started off talking about that show 'Dancing with the Stars,' which was a terrible beginning. Then he said, "Yes, Dancing with the Stars, unless, of course, you're in China, then it's called Dancing with SARS."

So this is the first joke I laugh at all show, and I notice that in the audience there's maybe 10 people laughing hysterically and the whole rest of the audience booing or making disgusted sounds.

Is is bad to have a minority comedic taste?

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For all those college readers out there, take note: never underestimate the importance of a midterm when it counts for a huge chunk of your grade.

I got a bad grade on my English Lit midterm because, well, it was online and most of the multiple choice questions were bullshit. I shrugged it off, and was positive I'd be able to recover.

I was recovering well, too. 88 and 87 on my two papers, averaging 9/10 on the weekly online discussions, and an 80 on the final (because it was all essay, no multiple choice). But it all wasn't enough, and I got a C+ for my final grade.

I think this is the first time I've never been able to bounce back from a shitty test score, and it sucks. Oh well, I'm pretty sure this was my potentially lowest grade (knock on wood).

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